Everybody Needs a Friend

Explore the biblical depth of true friendship through the selfless example of David and Jonathan, moving beyond superficial "likes" to discover what it means to be truly knitted together in love.

Hip-Hop group Whodini wrote, “Friends. How many of us have them? Friends. Ones we can depend on.” After you get over the shock of me quoting Whodini, we are still left with the sting of their question: How many of us have friends?

We have co-workers, associates, family members, teammates, colleagues, and so forth, but a friend is something much different. I know you have 5,000 friends on Facebook with a waiting list of people hoping one of your “friends” drops off so they can get in. But the reality is that not many of us have a friend.

What Is a Friend?

We use the term so loosely that it has lost its force. But I find it striking that, in some instances, the English word “friend” is translated from the Hebrew word “love.” According to NIDOTTE, the word love “is also employed in a considerable number of instances to express genuine affection between friends.”^[1] This suggests that a friend is someone we share a sincere love with. It is not sexual or familial, but an unconditional care for someone else that develops over time.

Scripture offers several insights into the dynamics of friendship.

• Friends are like extended family members (Psalm 35:14).

• Friends are those in whom we instill our trust (Psalm 41:9).

• Friends are equated with a loved one (Deuteronomy 13:6).

• Friends love each other at all times (Proverbs 17:17).

• Friends can be more loyal than blood relatives (Proverbs 18:24).

• Friends tell each other the truth, even when it hurts (Proverbs 27:6).

• Friends lift each other’s spirits (Proverbs 27:17).

• Friends are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for each other (John 15:13).

The “Soul” of Friendship

The epitome of friendship is illustrated in the life of David and Jonathan. The most unlikely relationship shows us the essence of true friendship. They should have been rivals for the throne of Israel, but something happened between them that caused them to value their friendship above their futures. In 1 Samuel 18:1, we read, “… the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself” (NASB).

There are two principles we learn from David and Jonathan’s friendship.

1. Friends are united to each other. The first verb we see in this relationship is “knit.” It means to tie together. For us to have the level of friendship that matches David and Jonathan’s, we must be inseparably tied to that person in a way that supersedes the superficial—their souls were bound. When it says that Jonathan loved David, it literally reads that he loved David as his own soul. There was a deep connection that united their thoughts, feelings, and actions for each other's well-being

I often say that unity means that you and I tie (u-n-i-ty). It’s not you or I, but you and I. Seeing ourselves as one inseparable unit commits us to each other for the long haul. As I wrote in Men After God’s Heart, brotherly love is reciprocal. Being knitted together is important during difficult times in a relationship, because that’s when most friendships fall apart. When we are united, the implement that holds us together prevents anything from coming between us. That implement is an unconditional love for one another.

2. Friends are unselfish toward each other. The second verb we see in this relationship is “loved.” It means to have regard, care, or affection for someone or something. Jonathan cared for David as he cared for himself. It’s interesting that their souls were bound together and that they loved each other as themselves. If this is Hebrew parallelism, it suggests that true friendship is the inseparable knitting together of two human personalities that prioritizes the well-being of the other on par with their own. In some regard, this prioritization is actually a preference for the other. We see this played out in the life of Jonathan and David, when Jonathan relinquishes his claim to the throne in support of his friend. We also see it in the life of Jesus when He dies for His friends (John 15:13).

The reason many of us don’t have friends is that we are selfish, but David and Jonathan teach us that we must be selfless. When we put our personal agendas aside and seek God’s will during the tense moments in our relationships, we will prefer one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10). This, my friend, is the governing principle of friendship.

Meaningful Friendships Matter

None of us is perfect. We are all works in progress. But Scripture teaches us that even in our fallen state, we can have meaningful and lasting friendships. David had one with Jonathan, and Jesus had one with His disciples. As long as we are willing to give ourselves fully to our friends, the possibility of a fruitful and fulfilling relationship is promising.

We indeed have a friend in Jesus; still, it would also be nice to have a friend down here on earth.

Dr. Isaac Hayes is an Assistant Pastor at the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago, Illinois, and author of Men After God’s Heart: 10 Principles of Brotherly Love. He also has a Doctor of Ministry degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Follow Dr. Hayes on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube at @RevIsaacHayes.

^[1] Willem VanGemeren, ed., New International Dictionary of Old Testament Theology & Exegesis (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1997), 294.